The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up. - Scott Adams
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant. - Scott Adams
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. - Scott Adams
Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account. - Scott Adams
Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching. - Scott Adams
If you want to understand UFOs, reincarnation and God, do not study UFOs, reincarnation and God. Study people. - Scott Adams
If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy. - Scott Adams
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. - Scott Adams
Technology: No Place for Wimps! - Scott Adams
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. - Scott Adams
The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be 'that stabbin' Dilbert guy.' - Scott Adams
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. - Scott Adams
I love you like a fat kid loves cake! - Scott Adams
Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately. - Scott Adams
No matter how smart you are, you spend most of your day being an idiot. - Scott Adams
Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. - Scott Adams
Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately. - Scott Adams
The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th. - Scott Adams
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again. - Scott Adams
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it. - Scott Adams
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams
Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemon, make lemonade." Dilbert: "But i'm allergic to citrus." Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die." - Scott Adams
If you ever have trouble sounding condescending, ask a UNIX user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent. - Scott Adams
'Wrong' is one of those concepts that depends on witnesses. - Scott Adams
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. - Scott Adams
Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. - Scott Adams
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto - Scott Adams
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt. - Scott Adams